So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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