Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
