RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
