I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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