CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
