My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
