I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
