i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
