420 ftw
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
