these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
