okay pat passed out under dana's car
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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