I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
