Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
