my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
