i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
