I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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