Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
