The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
