i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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