Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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