Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
