i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
