i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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