I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
