i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
