maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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