Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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