When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
