Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
