Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Randomize
