Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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