I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
