i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
