Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
