I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you inspire me to be a worse person
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
