I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
