please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
