I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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