and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
