you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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