There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
