am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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