through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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