What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
