I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
