Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
