im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How's work?
Spinning.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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