It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
