you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
