You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
