just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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