How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What drink are we having for lunch?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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