She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
