you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
