well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
