Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
