Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
