i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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