She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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