Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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