haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
