On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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