This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
