I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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