I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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