the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
