I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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