Fuck appropriateness.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
