i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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