Umm I'm too high to move.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
