I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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