no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The uberlube is also flammable
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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