My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
