you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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