you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
