I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
